publiusXIV

Jamie’s Day: Chapter 1

London. A place of many dreams and fantasies.

Jamie had long waited for this moment. After many years, she was in the place where so many of her fantasies had been centered about. She drifted away from her party and found herself wandering for hours along the streets of London. At first they were busy—a bustling metropolis full of people in a mad rush. All types lingered:

There were the uniformed “Bobbies” occasionally stopping a pedestrian—or being stopped by an obvious tourist. The well-to-do who seemed to cling to the antiquated existence of the now forgotten empire covered in fine dress with waistcoat and adorned with fine gold chains disappearing into pockets hiding mysterious tidings. What modern trinkets dangled on the ends? There were the rebellious youth struggling to make their place but all too often mimicking the mainstream media’s attempts to appeal. And of course, the tourists. Those that wander with such uncertainty, but they have no familiarity with the realm. Everything is new to them, though it is older.

Jamie carried on, lost in the kingdom. As she lost herself, a realization came to forethought that she was nowhere near the bustling metropolis heart. She had wandered onto a side street some time ago and strayed far from anything she could recall with clarity. Spinning slowly for some bearing, there was nothing remarkable to see. It was a street, like many in London that she had been walking on for the past hour, with many of the same type of people. Suddenly there it was: a black door surrounded by white stones. An antique lantern was above the door itself. It sat uncomfortably close to a little shop: “Speedy’s Sandwich Bar and Café.” Jamie blinked rapidly; it was a dream. The tarnished bronze numerals on the door were unmistakable.

221B.

Jamie took a slow approach to the door. She had to sidestep an aluminum chair to get closer. She was fixed. She raised her hand to the knocker, just below the door’s marking. It hung as a simple but ornate piece—casted with little bumps and ridges to keep it from being utterly boring. Did she dare sound it? She paused. It was a dream. Boldly she lowered her hand and grasped the door’s handle. There was no resistance and a slight creak as it opened—barely noticeable to anyone passing by her. She took note. No one was even paying her any attention. She turned to the dim hallway immediately behind the door. It opened up to a staircase. Jamie was certain she heard the faint sound of someone playing a violin. She took a step and crossed the threshold.

It had to be a dream.

April 29, 2013

Clarity

Let me iterate what I think of you:

Nothing captured me as how you explained why Superman is the greatest superhero. That was the first thing that really caught me. Since then, I have failed to be your hero. But heroes need to fall to know where their heart is, and my heart is yours. All I want is you…

Your eyes shimmer when you smile. The shades of green that they will take can shine so bright or be so soft that the range is breathtaking. When you see me staring it is because I am watching your eyes change before my very eyes. Even when you are annoyed at me, I can’t stop staring, even out of the corner of my eye.

Your skin is soft. Your tattoos ornament it beautifully, and all I want is to run my fingers across every inch of your body, from your toes, up your legs, behind your thighs to your butt, and up your back all the way to your neck, and back down. I would do this every night—forgetting to sleep—if you would let me. I want to explore your tattoos again, like I did the first time. When you got so excited before anything even happening. That’s how it should have been from the beginning… that’s how it should be again. I want you to bare yourself to me again, without worry or fear. I want to kiss your tummy again. I want to embrace you tight.

Opinionated is not strong enough to describe you. You stand by your beliefs and I respect how firmly you stand. I know our daughter cannot be led astray with you as her guide. She will be firm in her convictions, if not a bit stubborn. And I look forward to that influence you will have on her. She will be all the more wise for all that you have to teach her—a wisdom that I cannot come close to matching. Penelope will never find herself be mocked; instead, she will be mocking the stupidity of others, under your guidance. They will likely not know that they have been mocked. Your comebacks are always well thought of and clever. It amazes me your craft at such blighting comments. Some are quite cruel, and yet lost upon their victims. It makes me love you all the more, yet cautious about when you will direct your skill towards me, and I pray that I am keen enough to catch it, though I have my doubts.

I love when you laugh. Your whole body becomes ensnared in the act when it is genuine. Your eyes never shine so much as those times. The things that will make you laugh make me laugh as well: those stupid little pictures and videos online. The ridiculous moments in television shows we watch together…the utter stupidity of other people… I want you to laugh all the time. If I could manage to make a fool of myself all the time, I would, just to see your smile.

I love your taste in arts. I love the movies you make me watch. I am oft resistant, but find myself more than pleased to be disappointed. Yes, even Twilight… Oh, how I miss when you’d fall asleep to it while you were pregnant and I would rub your tummy as our little babe was kicking inside. You have since introduced me to so much: from Sherlock to Lie to Me… each one ties you to my thoughts… and I cannot think of them, without you.

We play a bit. We play about who is going to clean the diapers. And mostly I lose that fight. I don’t mind. We can’t figure out what we want to eat…ever. I don’t mind. I could live with always struggling to figure it out, and fighting about whose turn it is, forever with you. You annoy me. You annoy me with your failure to put movies away… and I don’t want you to change.

We want a house, for us… for our daughter. I want you to go to college. I want you to enjoy it, not rush throughout because you think the world is caving in. I want to help you with your homework, as best as I can. We both want a future; I want a future with you. I hope you want a future with me.

There is no braver woman I know. So frightening a time was it when you were pregnant. I had so many fears, but your confidence and your research into all things was a comfort to me. Every night feeling our daughter kicking inside of you was the single most beautiful moments of my life. It was when you were in the hospital, and be carted away to the operating room, that I felt a fear such that I could hardly handle… And when you didn’t return for sometime after our daughter was born, I began to fear that something was wrong. I was never so happy as when you came back, you were so beautiful. I wanted you right there, even though you were so exhausted and destroyed from your ordeal. That is the moment I think of when I look at you.

I said before that I knew you would change my life. I was not mistaken in this. You have exposed me to so many new ideas. You opened my eyes to different ways to do things: from cooking to birthing. You have given me a gorgeous daughter. You have broken my heart. You loved me when I didn’t love myself. You tried so hard. You raised our daughter so well. I cannot come close to giving you what you have given me. Because of you, I know exactly what I want: I want to be your loving husband, father to our daughter. I want to give you both a life of stability and safety.

The life we have shared thus far has not been easy, by any account… but I believe that if we can find that love as it was first, it will be stronger than ever. A relationship built from near ruin means we will never come that close again. Please tell me there is hope for us, as I believe whole-heartedly there is… I believe in us.

Because I love you…

April 27, 2013

#2

To the woman I do adore fully:

Green eyes shimmer upon every glancing

As gems from long forfeit reliquary

Ah! forth does my heart desire advancing

Whoa! For I am held ‘loft from mine epic charge

No small foe has raz’d this moment thus naught

With such cruelty my heart thusly scarred

Is this the home that I did blindly wrought

Asunder is my world and life without you

By my side—ever loving—Oh! I am lost!

I, such the incomprehensible fool

Can I undo all this? Terrible cost!

I am fill’d with such agonizing regret

But I cannot find means to e’er forget